oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
