I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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