If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
