The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
