considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
