worst night to have a conscience
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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