I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
third nipple confirmed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
