Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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