he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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