Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
