I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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