I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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