Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
