So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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