your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
