can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
