im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
