My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
