im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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