Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
