My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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