omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
