I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
