Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
