I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
