please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
