Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
