Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
