Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
