1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
