Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
