On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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