see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
