I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
