...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
