this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
