People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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