Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
