I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
