I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
