a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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