i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
