so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
