Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
