Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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