Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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