Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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