I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
