Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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