Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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