i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
