I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
