meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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