i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
