hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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