I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
