the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
