I puked a lego.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
