went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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