dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
