I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
