you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
