At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
