so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
