Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
