can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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