I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
