hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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