he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My vagina just recognized that song.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
