i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
